Only Human
by Idiosyncracy
Summary: To be human. To exist. What is it that makes them only human? And what is it that makes me desire without a heart? Only one chance to make things right is the only chance i have. How i regret the things i've done...Demiku r


**This is my first story that was (not) intended to be written in first person. One morning, I was dreaming and had this idea, and since I couldn't sleep after the realization, I had to start. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with making kingdom hearts.**

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Riku walks the path of twilight; the path that does and does not say what is to come. The boy does not bask in the loud and boisterous light, and would rather stay away from the dark at all costs. Riku is the rose of dawn and dusk, never day or night exactly. In the few moments his colors reign, his pride will finally show through the painful mask forced onto him. To live, he gives his life; when defeated, he is selfish. He has given up on being alone, and looks for guidance. When he is hurting, anyone would feel the icy needles screaming from the depth of his soul. He is what society calls human.

I finally realize this significance

When I met the mystifying night walker, a dream had caressed the tainted mind of a nightmare. Where we were, it was always dark and raining; the type of environment I despised. I was just 'living' as any other person around the worlds. It was only a few months previous I was accepted into the Organization XIII for my talent; talent for taking lives and hearts. This never ceasing assignment was not a level I desired to stoop to. Music; I called it my reason. For staying in a world that with all of its contents does not even exist. For surviving through the rotting bowels of a monster I labored under. And, my reason for the small sanity I had left. When the silver haired tortured teen came into my dark picture, I honestly felt I was doing to finally die. How something so beautiful could grace my sight? He was an angel of despair. As I slowly learned his persona and given name, it rolled from my tongue like honey; slow and sensational. Whenever he actually looked my way, I craved to see what was hidden behind the dark cover over his eyes.

"Demyx, focus" Zexion, my common partner for assignments corrected my focus from the dark window. I stared at his silver hair in unwanted question.

"What." It was not an inquiry of my irritation.

"Our next assignment is to observe that silver haired new comer. He is a supposed threat."

"He is no threat. His name is Riku." I rested my face in my hand as I continued to stare at the never ending rain beating against the glass windowpane.

"You've encountered him before." I had a feeling he knew the answer.

"Yes, two times." I could tell the traitor has always wanted to report me to Xemnas for some 'blasphemy' like this.

"Shouldn't you be reporting this to Xemnas instead of me?" _This_ silver haired man was after my hide.

"You set yourself up for me to tell you what I knew. I didn't report to you, I only responded." I rolled my eyes, shifting in the high backed silver chairs in the conference room we sat in. my eyes suddenly met his.

"Look, I know you detest me, and well…I can't stand this place either. But if you can keep this one little secret until what I plan is all over, I will leave you alone for as long as you want okay?" he looked up from his large book of nonsense and stared into my eyes.

"I'm listening." His attention was firm on me.

"I'm getting out of this place after this whole thing is over. I'm also gonna help the key blade master and his friends to speed the process up. Now, I have a feeling you just might squeal on me, but look around Zexion. If we were to get hearts, then what would we do after that? Live _normal?_ Not after 'living' so long in confinement."

I sighed, "Xemnas is only doing this entire gig to get his own heart anyway. If you analyze it, we don't have much of a future here, so I'm leaving. If you help me on this one, we can both get out clean and not have anything to do with this stupid 'life' here." I crossed my arms and never looked away from his striking eyes.

"I…think you're completely out of whatever mind you have left."

I can't say I wasn't expecting to hear that.

"But…" he continued, "you're right. If we think this trough a little more, it could work."

He actually somewhat smiled at me.

--

Not many people can say they've died before.

No, not one living person can say they have died before.

But I can.

I can't admit I was living in the first place…

But then, in that final moment of loneliness, there's Riku.

--

I felt cold and wet. My head was down and I could only see darkness. When I tried to life my head, it only fell to a slump moments later. I was giving up slowly… Was I injured? I moved my fingers to test out my strength; it wasn't much of anything. My eyes moved over the revealing skin to check for cuts or bruises; there were none that I could see with my muted eyes... How had I gotten into a white long sleeved shirt and jeans? The pats of liquid on my face made me cringe in resentment, for they chilled every bone of my body. Was that rain?

That personal omen of mine I'd become accustomed to is called rain.

My thoughts were scattered for a few more moments to come. I had been able to accomplish lifting my head to look around, my dull eyes were hazy. It was a long narrow passage I was sitting in, and I had to get out. I struggled to recall what had happened before this, but could not. I looked to my right to see a busy street, full of people walking and murmuring, but it all sounded the same; one large misunderstanding. A dark figure now stood at the dark entrance, but I could not look too far up to see who the person was.

"I never thought I'd see you again." It was male.

"Where…who..?" I could barely think straight, let alone speak at the moment. I wanted to know who the person was, if he could help me, or where the hell I was.

I needed answers.

"My...it looks as if you just died and came back." He was laughing at me.

I somewhat glanced up to glare as best as I could. Had I really? From that point, darkness engulfed me.

--

That melody…it made me slowly drift to awareness…I didn't even wonder at the time where I was, who I was, when it was. For some odd reason, I wanted to smile; smile at the tune that made me unconsciously content; smile at this unheard of instrument that enticed my soul. No, no. I'd heard of this instrument before. If only I'd had my sitar, this tune and I would've made beautiful music.

"Piano…" my dry chapped lips opened, causing a splitting and cracking feeling. I attempted to wet the disgusting dryness away, but my own tongue had betrayed me. Then, my senses came into awareness one by one. I opened my sleep filled eyes to awake to a dim lit room. Okay Dem, focus. What are the colors of the room? The walls were dark gold, caramel even, the floors dark wood, the lamp dark green…I continued to quiz myself on the basics of colors, the notes that the piano was sounding in the other room, and counting limbs I still had.

"eight…nine…ten…" I moved my toes slowly, slightly cringing as each one of them popped in ache.

The melody stopped.

By that time, I had accomplished sitting up and stretching nicely. My body felt as stiff as death. Most, if not all of my bones groaned and cracked in protest, but I sighed heavily, in taking the dim but noticeable smells that permeated the warm room. I rubbed my eyes, and to my repulsion, small chunks of sleep fell onto the caramel sofa I lay upon. Blinking my blue eyes clean, I peeked out of the window to see a storming city. People, lights, cars, and rain set the mood of the big metropolis. A large square was showing silent moving pictures of people and products, most of what I had never seen before. Running a hand through my hair, I had realized at that moment how truly filthy I was. The normally light and soft hair I had remembered having was now oily and stringy which made me shudder to think about how long I was in the rain. I had also realized I had not been wearing the same tattered clothing I had upon my body when I had first come into consciousness. Turning my neck I saw them hang loosely in front of a large inviting fireplace as I looked over the navy blue shirt and black pants I wore.

"Oh, so you're alive Demyx." I turned my gaze to a silver headed man, smirking as if there was a joke. I wanted to tell myself I had seen him before, but my string of memories became unthreaded. My eyes showed my dumbfounded reaction.

"How," revolting, my voice sounded as if I smoked for a living, "How do you know my name." I demanded after clearing my throat. I popped my knuckles slowly.

"Hey, let's talk this over like men okay? I'm not a threat…haven't been for a while now." He smiled at his comment.

"Can you…tell me what this is?"

"This is a world named Radiant Garden. I found you lying in the alleyway and took you back to my apartment since we know each other." He walked over casually and sat down with a relieving sigh.

"We know each other?" I was determined to find out what exactly had happened.

"He truly doesn't know…Demyx, you _died._ You came back to life as a human." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Here are two words that might make you remember; kingdom hearts," It looked as if it pained him to say the words. Upon hearing those words, I scrunched my eyes and covered my ears.

"You were a nobody; a person born without a heart. You joined the organization after not being able to find your own meaning for your existence. The Organization trained you to kill and you did. I don't know how you died, and why exactly you're sitting here beside me, but you _are_ here and you need to know the truth before you start to live."

Unwanted memories were quickly returning to my mind as I recalled my previous life. I was ordered to kill. I was human long before now. I wanted to love. I wanted to make music. I was trapped within the organization. I wanted to escape. I _died._ No, I disappeared.

But what bothered me the most from the returning memories;

What I did as a _nobody._

I grabbed at my blonde hair, pulling strands of grief from my body. What was this? Were all nobodies reborn? Was the boy I once encountered, really housing me at this moment? Tears began to swell rapidly in my eyes. As I shook violently, soft whimpers escaped from my mouth and lay my head down in my lap. I felt a warm touch come to my shoulder, and then, a caress on my back for comfort.

"Riku, what the hell am I…?" I was pleading to know the truth.

"You're only human."

--

Riku is nineteen now. He's handsome, grown, and _nineteen._ This was the boy that was a lost fifteen-year old, attempting to find himself and his friends. I wake pondering this immediate thought. What was my own age? I am thinking…after age comes death. I had died, and I was now accepting of the fact that I was a lost nobody. I know I was a horrible fighter and want to stay that way. New emotions overcome me as I inhale. I have a feeling that this is what people would say being comfortable is. It is my first thought to see where I am as I awake. I am in a quaint room with a comfortable smell; I can tell this much. I slowly remember all what was said the night before, quivering every movement i make to get out of bed. My bare feet touch the cold wooden floor as I glance out of the window. The sky was clearing from the night's storm and I was content knowing that. I hum a tuneless song as I kick my feet to and fro.

"Should you really be awake at this hour?" my heart almost stops. And here I am, _almost_ becoming used to having one.

"I want to feel around. I can actually do that now." I stare at him. I think it makes him uncomfortable.

"Oh…right. Well, I brought you some coffee. You will want some energy for today." He smiles softly and hands me a thick glass cup.

"What is coffee?"

"I completely forgot…Demyx; you do know you have a lot to learn if you want to live a normal life right?" I think it is amusing to see concern on his face.

"Sure. Answer my question please." I grin at him, standing to take the coffee from his hands.

I'm still taller than him.

"You acted a lot friendlier when you were a nobody." He raises a slender silver eyebrow and smirks. Sighing, he shrugs, "coffee is a drink that stimulates your brain so that you can stay focused and think straight." I put my finger into the black water and cringe.

"What is this feeling?! It hurts!" I shove the cup into Riku's hands and suck my finger in my mouth. I wrap it in the navy blue shirt. He is laughing at me.

"I forgot; this is your first time to feel pain huh? That feeling is called hot. It burns, doesn't it?" Riku sets the coffees down on a side table and takes my hand in a 'follow me' gesture. We enter a brighter but smaller room with tiled floors and marble counters.

"This is a bathroom. And this," he turns a knob and clear water comes from a golden tube, "is cold." My finger feels better. The painful sensation is gone and now my hand feels numb. After a few moments of silence, he turns the knob again and orders me.

"Take off your clothes and go into that tub you see over there." He points to a covered golden tub. "It's called a shower. Warm, not hot, water will come out and you need to wash your body with it. Once you do that, I will have a new set of clothes waiting for you, and if you need it, I'll help you put them on. I plan on showing you what to expect in a real life from now on." His tone is not harsh, but almost taunting or excited. I smile and follow his orders.

Showers are difficult.

Clothes are even harder to understand.

I am relieved to be with Riku.

--

Radiant Garden simply awes me. I walk down the street with a fresh meat dog, or hot dog as they call it, exploded with pounds of what Riku says is "ketchup and other fattening condiments." I laugh at his comments. We walk down the gray cracked pavement, called cement as my newfound roommate explains my surroundings. I wipe my greasy hands on Riku's jeans as I wolf down the last of my hot dog. Riku slaps my head for dirtying his jeans and I grin and run ahead. This is the most enthusiastic day I've had in such a long time. I slow down to a fast pace and look around me. A man is shouting into his phone; a woman is tugging at her child to follow; young teenage girls flock as they walk in a tight knit group. I begin to wonder about age again. I haven't even come across what my own is. I stare at the young boy being dragged by his mother. Being a child seems easy enough, though I never had a childhood. From what I've seen, they are cared for by their mothers and fathers, playfully teased by their siblings and cousins, and live happily. Eventually they grow up, and still have the support of their family. I long for this. I asked Riku about this scenario earlier. He says his childhood was much different than that of the one I explained. He says his was painful, and he would rather forget it ever happened. Curiosity is scratching at the inner gates of my tongue to ask more questions. I look behind me to see Riku following me slowly with his hands in his pockets and his eyes to the sky.

"What is that?" I stop in the middle of the walkway where people rudely bump and curse me. I don't care; I'm curious.

"It's a store; you want to look inside?" his bright blue eyes glint in the sunlight and I nod my head and run in. As I come into the store, the lighting is brighter and there is invisible music softly playing within the walls. Clothes are everywhere! Pants are folded nicely and shirts and jackets are somehow floating within closets all over the place. My eyes visibly widen as I try to 'act natural' as Riku says. Walking around the store in excitement, I come across a handsome navy blue long sleeved shirt. I grab it and run to Riku.

"What is this called?" I am eager for the answer. I shove the shirt in his unsuspecting face.

"We call those sweatshirts. Do you want it?" Riku reaches into his back pocket for a small black square.

"Of course I do." I nod my affirmative and I attempt to walk out of the doorway.

"Demyx wait!" Riku calls my name as I reach the entrance. I turn back to look at him, but invisible alarms attack my ears as all of the men in the store stare at me.

"Riku, what's going on?!" I drop the sweater and cover my ears, not even bothering to move an inch. Riku comes up to me, picks the sweater from the ground, and grabs my wrist. The sirens stop and I am relieved.

"I'm really sorry about that. He was just excited; he's new here." Riku apologizes as we reach a desk where a woman is staring at me still. The nineteen year old still has a firm grasp on my wrist as he pulls out his black square.

"Dem, whenever you're in a store, you have to_ pay_ for what you buy. Not run off with it. Call it equivalent exchange; if you want the shirt, you give the person at this kind of desk money." I nod obediently and grin at the lady across the desk.

"Forgive me for acting foolishly." I apologize quickly then look to Riku, "where can I get munny? Whenever I needed it, I just killed h-" He covers my mouth.

"I will teach you that later." Riku whispers in my ear harshly. I stay solemn and silent. The woman continues to stare at me oddly while she messes with a box.

"Are you new here?" she brushes through her black hair. I nod again.

"Well, this is quite the welcoming isn't it?" she smiles genuinely at me and I grin back and agree.

"Can I ask a question Riku?" enthusiasm is overcoming me again. Riku rolls his eyes and nods, finally letting go of my wrist.

"How does this 'store' stuff work? Why does a person have to stay behind the desk? Why are there no other women in here? What's your name? You're really pretty." I tell all of this to the woman in front of me and she laughs.

"Ha-ha. Thank you. My name is Tifa Lockhart. And if you'd like, I can show you around." She smiles at the both of us and I beg Riku to let us stay for a little while longer.

"Whatever you want Demyx." He winks and gives a small smirk.

I am living more and more as the days pass.

--

I find out I am twenty three now.

Riku is now twenty one.

I continue to live as Riku guides me with a content expression.

I think I love him…

_Oh how we regret the things we do…_

--

It has been about two years since I was reborn. I now go to a school called Radiant Garden Academy for the Fine Arts where I major in music composition. Riku and I leave our well earned house every morning with each other to face this world of the many out there, together. I've learned more about my past and my future as I enjoy the present. Desperate to make something of myself than making music, I began to pursue hobbies and time killers; finally coming up with an idea to get a job. I am now working at an art gallery as a tour guide part time. Riku was proud of me when he found I was determined.

From the time when I awoke as a human being with a newborn's understanding, Riku has been my escape to find my resolve. I've come across stories upon stories of his past, and in turn, commence on my long journey to love him for all what he has done. As a child, he was not cared for, cast away even, and he spent his time outside making friends with his island's children. He became a true leader, leading most of he kids on daily adventures that ended in laughter or bruises; sometimes even both. As he grew older and less outgoing, he became aware of himself and his perspective of the world. And he began to test his world's limits, which then brought up the entirety of Kingdom Hearts.

I love him for all of his sacrifice.

On nights when we're not both too tired of the day's events, we go places with each other. _Just_ to be with each other. When we got to dinner Riku shifts in his seat feeling uncomfortable in our surroundings.

"What's the matter?" I normally ask with a happy grin hiding behind my hands folded on the table. He looks over his shoulders paranoid and furrows his brows at me.

"Two _guys_ in such a nice restaurant?!" he whispers in a harsh tone. I tug at my cuff link innocently.

"And exactly _why _do you think that we dress up like this?"

Okay, so Riku and I take it to the extreme and change our appearances to dinner.

He frowns and I smile. Riku pulls up a falling strap.

"Would you like more wine in your glass madam?" a waiter stalks up to Riku table with a wine bottle in hand.

Riku's lip gloss shines in the dim light as he nods gracefully with an effeminate murmur.

--

When I wake up in bed, it's dark. I want to look around but I see nothing. The floor boards rumble from under me from the bellowing thunder. The howling wind beats the tree branches against our window with great force. My teeth begin to click against each other noisily as my body twitches with shivering. The heater must be broken again. I reach to my left to check if Riku was suffering as much as I was, but I find nothingness. I sit up abruptly, searching through the darkness, but this is all I can see. I rub my drooping eyelids and my hands fumble to reach the touch lamp at my right bedside. Though my fingers glide against its icy surface, nothing responds.

The power is out.

This signal is now only reaching my brain, as I come to a small panic. No Riku and no power to find Riku. I swing the maroon comforter and sheets from my body and zip up my navy blue battered sweatshirt, tripping over myself to look throughout the house. I trip again over one of our school bags and curse, proceeding to find a flashlight in the black abode.

"Riku…where are you?" I clear my throat from the sleep and call for him. I check through the guest room and bathrooms as I make my way back to the master bedroom in defeat. I check in our bathroom as a flash of lightning illuminates the cold space for a brief moment. And in that moment, I see a glint of silver under the king sized hiding spot. My first emotion is relief, then sympathy.

"Riku…Ri-Ri, what're you doing down there?" I kneel and talk softly as he clutches the covers. "I've been looking throughout the house for you…why didn't you respond." A boom of thunder ruptures the silence and he hiccups and whimpers.

He's been sobbing.

"Heh…it's sad I'm so much older and am still afraid of storms huh…" he whispers almost inaudibly. The room illuminates again and I finally see his tear streaked face and pleading aqua eyes looking for comfort in me.

"Riku," I cup his face with my hands and he slowly moves from under the bed to rush inter my arms. "I'm so sorry." I whisper into his silver hair. He stops clutching my sweatshirt and looks up at me.

"What do you have to be sorry for...? I'm the one who's crying on you." He almost meets my eyes but hiccups.

"I was _sleeping_ when you were hiding." Too many emotions are crashing on me. He releases a shaky breath in a sigh and our lips meet. When we part his tears are gone and the room lights up.

"I don't have to hide anymore."

Riku is everything I'll ever want or need. I regret a lot I've done, but when I feel his soft pale skin or hear his buttermilk sweet voice, I want to repent to the angel before me. At first, he was an angel of despair; one I couldn't even bring myself to lock eyes with in fear of my own misery. Now, he is my angel of the dawn and I cherish every aspect of him that exists. To exist is not only breathing or thinking. Tempers, tears, smiles, touches and other features are what make us come to life…to be human.

Because that's only what we are.

**

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****I'm relieved i finished this finally…reviews?**


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